After Captain Numbnuts lost the ship we went to drink, which is something I enjoy doing. THEN I got to kill some things (my favorite thing to do) after this first thing came in and just died. Turns out the Marshals are involved, which is not good. The human that died gave the Nerd a map showing where some OTHER thing was orbiting around the sun. The Cutter did something SHE enjoys doing and cut off the human’s head, which- whatever floats your boat.
So without anything else to do, we decided to find out what the orbiting thing was. Our first thought was to steal a ship and murder its crew which is pretty solid as plans go. But there were some legal problems with that and with the fucking MARSHALS in the mix better to go somewhat legit.
A bunch of those horse lizard diraks got loose in the spaceport and so, sensing an opportunity to make some cash, we headed that way. The Real Doll and Capt. Numbnuts managed to sweet talk a bunch of fat merchants into paying us some extra cash to unfuck the situation and that, plus the bounty the owner of the diraks was offering, meant things were looking a lot more green. We spent a fair amount of time coming up with a solid plan (five minutes) and got the mental giants guarding this pen they were hoping to use to store the loose lizards in to modify it so we could drive a borrowed hovertruck through, hopefully with a half dozen diraks in tow.
The Real Doll took the wheel with Cutter riding shotty. Capt. Numbnuts was somewhere and I was watching the wayback. We had seen a couple of the little fuckers run to hide behind a stack of crates and I, being the tactical genius of the group, made a fucking one-in-a-million shot to knock one over, hopefully on to a couple of the things.
Real Doll brings us around where we start getting followed by two of the fucks and we come all the way around to find my superior marksmanship has killed one to make a little snack for things three and four, who find us much more interesting.
So with four on our tail and five accounted for we head back for the pen. Where we find ourselves on an intercept course with thing six. Real Doll, being a skilled and experienced pilot, immediately crashes us into the last dirak and we all spill out of our shitty ‘truck. Cutter scurries to get back in and I masterfully manage the charging crowd of lizard fucks to give the rest of the crew time to mosey on back to our ride. Turns out Real Doll can jump. Whoopedy Do, I can jump too.
Like a badass, I pop smoke and still have time to make it back to the truck as Real Doll guns it. We get reacquired by the original four (turns out number 6 was not immune to being hit by trucks) and make it back through the pen. Everything’s going fine until the asshats on the last gate fuck up CLOSING a DOOR and one last lizard makes it through. No big deal, but I manage to jump off the back of a moving hovertruck, fly through the air, and cut the dirak in half (like, literally in half- nice and symmetrical-like) while Real Doll is still looking for the parking brake. I was the hero of the goddamn day. I think Nerd was off somewhere jerking it, he showed up pretty fucking late to the party.
After that it got boring again. We rent a shitty shuttle and spend two days flying out to whatever space thing the dead human wanted us to check out. Once we get there, we find out that what that is is an abandoned fucking STARSHIP. OUR starship, now, once we throw out any frozen corpses floating around inside. Considering the smell once we cracked the door, corpses seem likely. Not boring any more.
I am going to kiss that head on the mouth when we get back.